This can be so frustrating especially, when it feels like they don’t really understand the nuances and challenges of finding someone in this day and age. With the advent of social media, the access to information and the confidentiality of privacy are soon changing meaning.
They never had to date – heck, they were never allowed to! How can they empathise with your challenges?
Have you ever wondered what would happen if your parents had to find each other in today’s day and age?
Today, we at BVowed, present our very own version of Yesteryears and Today, so you can benefit from the best of both worlds. No generation has it perfect, but let us help you figure out the perfect-for-you!
Factor #1: Use of Social Media
Yesteryears: These were the days when the marital interviews or meetings were held in a room full of relatives. Even if the potential couple got a few minutes to talk in private, they were usually chaperoned. If lucky, they would get a chance to have one or two conversations before the big day. The only way they could get information is to talk to neighbours and colleagues to learn a bit more about their future spouse-to-be.
Today: In contrast, today, we are at the other end of the spectrum. There is so much information on the internet and social media. People Google you before wanting to meet you and what’s worse – they form opinions based on what they find! There is scope for cyber stalking too.
The best of both: Social media is great as a tool but don’t treat it as a solution! With the filters and edits available to the end user, you cannot really get the full picture of another person’s reality based on their social media posts. You can use it to break ice and get conversations started – even digitally! Use the anonymity to your advantage as people are usually more open to sharing online than in real life. Talking to people within their circle is still a relevant exercise. It might give you good insights about the person you intend to marry.
Factor #2: Setting Expectations
Yesteryears: Maybe it was the lack of options or the belief in a ‘forever-after’ but our previous generation had more patience and willingness to compromise. They had limited expectations and even accepted a few biases – like the division of chores at home based on gender.
Today: Today’ young adults have a lot of expectations from their spouses. They want them to play friend, confidant, guide and more. It is too much pressure to put that on one person. And in the spirit of gender equality, they are stringent about their views – like division of chores, handling of finances and more. These can be sensitive topics for many and have the potential to lead to a full blown disagreement really quickly.
The best of both: Setting expectations right from the beginning helps everyone know what they are signing up for. You do not have to compromise and give in all the time but do not view compromise as a personal defeat. Finding a middle ground is the best way forward. Every relationship is a bit of give and take. And marriage is no different. We can benefit from taking a page from our previous generation on what it means to make a relationship work.
Factor #3: Dating
Yesteryears: These were the days when even star crossed lovers had to wait to see each other or write letters and yearn for a reply. In a sense, less was more. This is reflected even in how romance was depicted in the movies of that generation – a lot was left to one’s imagination.
Today: With the advent of smartphones and instant messaging, one is able to communicate every passing thought with the other. Though this might build transparency and honest communication, maybe a bit of mystery and charm are lost – and sometimes, these quick responses (that are not thought through) lead to differences, arguments and possible change of partners too.
Best of both: While dating apps and instant messaging help build rapport, there is no harm in considering writing letters or going back to some of the practices of the yesteryears to bring back the romance and mystery!
Factor #4: Meaning of Marriage
Yesteryears: Most of the previous generation took marriage seriously and viewed it as a one-way entry institution. They believed that this choice would be for life and really lived by ‘till death do us apart’. This could also be due to the society’s less than kind view of divorcees. Though it was not the best solution for people stuck in difficult marriages, it did push people to try harder to make their marriages work.
Today: Though we cannot generalise an opinion, many young adults today enter the institution of marriage while thinking of a plan B or a contingency. If you start with a mindset like that, then the ability to commit to what is at hand can be rather challenging, especially on difficult days.
Best of both: Go into marriage viewing it as a commitment for life; think long term. Even if it is a romantic view, maybe consider the ‘forever after’ afterall! Though it is good that the society is more accepting of a divorce today, a break is never easy for anyone involved.
While each generation has their own unique challenges and advantages, it bodes well to look back and learn from our past to build a brighter and more promising future.
We, at BVowed, hope to have helped you in this process. Do reach out to us for a personalised matchmaking.
|Social Media||One or two conversations only Or non-existent Talk to neighbours or colleagues ||Too much information Start stalking people online Form opinions based on social media handles||Use social media as a tool but don’t treat it as a solution. Use to break ice, get conversations going before the first meet even! Use the anonymity to your advantage Talking to people within their circle is still a relevant exercise. Might give you good insights. |
|Expectations||Willing to compromise||Too many expectations||Not give in all the time but it is worth taking a page from our previous generation on what it means to make a relationship work - compromise, adjustment, etc|
|Dating||Possibly chaperoned||Dating apps|
Quick change of patners
|No harm in considering writing letters - romantic and helps you loosen up or spill your guts!|
Consider slowing down
|Division of labour||Men work at offices|
Women cook, clean and bring up kids
|Equal division of labour||Find a middle ground. Something that can work for both of you. Neither extremes is beneficial.|
|Meaning of marriage||Forever after |
Divorce not an option
|Start with the mindset that if this doesn;t work, I will switch to plan B||Consider a forever after. Though it is good that the society is more accepting of a divorce today, a break is never easy. |
Think long term