Should you or should you not? That is the real question.
Meeting a stranger with the proposition of an eternal bond can seem daunting. Though at first, it might seem awkward, more and more young adults are signing up to go down this path as the focus of their 20s is now shifted to either career or self development. As a result, people are getting married much later than the previous generation – at an age when they are more sure of themselves and have formed clearer and stronger opinions of the world.
This means that there is a lot more to think about in that first meeting and we at BVowed are here to help you channelize your thoughts.
Predicament #1: Should I be my authentic self or hide behind the set expectations?
While you may be bold, outgoing and liberated in your thoughts, should you play the role of a demure bride? Or can you wear your pair of skinny tight jeans and midriff showing top and go out on your first date with your future husband?
BVowed says: As with everything in life, moderation is key. Put your best foot forward. In the first meeting, be authentic and make a choice between being rebellious and over conservative. Steer away from showing or being things you are not or taking an idealistic approach. Stay true to yourself.
Predicament #2: Should I ask about their past relationships?
All of us have some kind of past baggage or the other. It might have been a hard break-up or a gut-wrenching end – but we have all been there. But should you ask about it?
BVowed says: This is where your interpersonal skills will truly come in handy. Having said that, we, at BVowed, think that it is best to steer clear of this topic in the first meeting as it might make the other person uncomfortable.
You could chalk it up to a future conversation or the next meeting. You need to gauge the person’s openness and emotional attachment with the past relationships before dwelling more on the topic. The best way to do this is to ask for consent to talk or ask questions about the past and come to a mutual agreement.
Predicament #3: Should I prepare for expected questions?
You might do a quick online search to figure out what questions to ask, what to expect in the first meeting and so on. Curiosity is the natural tendency of humans.
BVowed says:Though this might sound ideal, remember this is not a job interview. If you sound scripted, then the other person might dismiss your answers and not buy into the narratives. Be true to who you are and engage in conversation organically.
While these questions and situations are expected and might help you prepare or think through a possibly awkward first meeting, know that the other person is as nervous and unsure as you are. There is definite merit in letting the conversations flow organically.
Predicament #4: Should I mention my deal breakers?
While you may be tempted to pull out your list of do’s and don’ts – should you pull out the quintessential log of deal breakers or save it for another day? What is the point of spending time with someone if they don’t align with your values and principles? Isn’t it better to find out these things early in the conversation?
BVowed says: While talking about deal breakers and aligning your expectations and values with that of your partner is important, take a pause – it’s just your first meeting! For the first meeting, we suggest that you talk about commonalities (including favourite movies or books or hobbies or the games you played as children, et al) and build rapport with the other person. If you do click, you may surprise yourself with how your list of deal breakers might change because we all make room for the ones we love.